The Susan G Komen Foundaton continues its Hindenburg-esque disaster campaign.

Today, they’ve issued this press release. I’ve inserted some translations.

“We want to apologize to the American public for recent decisions that cast doubt upon our commitment to our mission of saving women’s lives.”

Translation: We’re sorry we didn’t realize that the vast majority of people are not beholden to far right wing ideology.

“The events of this week have been deeply unsettling for our supporters, partners and friends and all of us at Susan G. Komen. We have been distressed at the presumption that the changes made to our funding criteria were done for political reasons or to specifically penalize Planned Parenthood. They were not.”

Translation: We hoped that no one would notice that our changes to our funding criteria initially only affected a single organization out of all of those who receive monies. The additional of the prohibition against distributing monies to researchers who use stem cells was just a bonus we tossed in later to appease our most shrill ideologues. And now we’re scared shitless that the money we usually get from individuals and corporations will no longer be coming in.

“Our original desire was to fulfill our fiduciary duty to our donors by not funding grant applications made by organizations under investigation. We will amend the criteria to make clear that disqualifying investigations must be criminal and conclusive in nature and not political. That is what is right and fair.”

Translation: We’re sorry we got caught trying to cut off funding to an organization undergoing a political witch hunt led by antiabortion people who think Planned Parenthood is some kind of baby killing factory instead of an organization that primarily provides other services. We’re still not defunding Penn State, who is under an actual criminal investigation, though.

“Our only goal for our granting process is to support women and families in the fight against breast cancer. Amending our criteria will ensure that politics has no place in our grant process. We will continue to fund existing grants, including those of Planned Parenthood, and preserve their eligibility to apply for future grants, while maintaining the ability of our affiliates to make funding decisions that meet the needs of their communities.”

Translation: Just like we said, the existing grants will be honored. Planned Parenthood is welcome to try and wring money from our greedy hands next time around, but we guarantee those requests will be denied for publicly stated reasons other than the real one: we’re cravenly desirous of the support from the right wing horde, and our VP Karen Handel has voiced her intent to defund Planned Parenthood.

“It is our hope and we believe it is time for everyone involved to pause, slow down and reflect on how grants can most effectively and directly be administered without controversies that hurt the cause of women. We urge everyone who has participated in this conversation across the country over the last few days to help us move past this issue. We do not want our mission marred or affected by politics – anyone’s politics.”

Translation: Our decision was wholly a political one, but if you say so, it’s you that has the problem.

“Starting this afternoon, we will have calls with our network and key supporters to refocus our attention on our mission and get back to doing our work. We ask for the public’s understanding and patience as we gather our Komen affiliates from around the country to determine how to move forward in the best interests of the women and people we serve.”

Translation: We’re hoping the upper echelon will continue to be able to collect their gigantic paychecks.

“We extend our deepest thanks for the outpouring of support we have received from so many in the past few days and we sincerely hope that these changes will be welcomed by those who have expressed their concern.”

Translation: We’re still deleting negative comments from our Facebook page as quickly as we possibly can.

Nothing has changed. This wishy-washy release doesn’t actually address anything that was not already in place: the existing grants will still be given. Future grants will be nonexistent. The SGKF will continue to play politics and cater to their far right wing. That’s the way of it, and the brand has been damaged beyond repair at this point, since the antiabortion people who have no reading comprehension skills are just as mad now as the people who lambasted SGKF for the decision in the first place. The latest release makes them look even more spineless than before.

I came across the financials for the SGKF and they are underwhelming in terms of the ratio of dollars spent on research, screening, and prevention versus overhead. It’s an abysmal ratio, in fact, and simply one more reason (among many, now that more and more is becoming known about them) to bypass the SGKF and donate to organizations who put the money to better use.