Plugging away

It’s a sad state of affairs when you have to weed the walkways in the gardens so you can get to the frames to weed THEM.

But that’s how it goes when you’re out of the field for most of the year, and you didn’t get enough done to get some plastic down to solarize the frames and kill off the crap you don’t want so things will be ready when you’re about to put in things you do want.

I suppose I should be beating myself up about it, or feel guilty about how the non-frame plants – the berries, grapes, fruit and nut trees – haven’t been taken care of, either, but that’s useless and unproductive. Instead, it makes more sense to plan out what I need to do: set off the watering for those on a consistent basis, and continue to pull weeds one area, one bag at a time.

Persistence. Focus. Determination. These are the words I am using to replace the words like “should” when such thoughts pop up in my head. One way is forward. One way is spinning my wheels in one spot, unable to break out of the rut.  The latter is not just bad, but unfair – after all, I can’t control if or when I get ill. It’s just the way things go sometimes. The former is much better on the psyche.

Speaking of medical-related things,  I had a visit with my gut doc to check the feeding tube and make sure I’m gaining weight. He would like to see me gain 10 pounds over the next three months, and I’m not entirely sure that’s doable, given that my food intake consists of shakes with weight gain powder (by mouth) and formula via the tube. I think if I can get close, and then demonstrate to him that I can keep my weight stable, we can all agree the tube can be removed, perhaps around my birthday next March. It will be difficult to reach that goal, but I’m willing to give it a go if it results in losing the medical attachment in my abdomen.

That’s all for now, peeps. Until next time, be well.

4 thoughts on “Plugging away”

  1. Hey there.. I hope this isn’t out of line, as I am sure you have tried most everything to manage your health. When my friends husband got throat cancer and had a tube, after using the shakes and formula for awhile and not seeing great results, she started pureeing real food and feeding that through the tube. I don’t know the particulars, but If you haven’t tried that for weight gain..perhaps it is doable, as long as you can digest it. I so wish you success!

  2. Nah, not out of line. I do stuff some pureed stuff down it from time to time, but it’s a pain in the ass to clean and even the finest purees sometimes get stuck. Those are fun, and forcing a syringe of water behind it to make it squirt into my stomach is a very interesting sensation (that I hope no one I know has to ever go through, mind you). I’m doing well enough, but my real goal is to work on actual eating of actual food. It will likely never progress beyond the soft food level, which is a real bummer for a foodie.

  3. My friend was an RN – and doing it for someone, a whole lot different than your situation. I do hope you manage to be able to eat & taste food again.

  4. I can eat, just not like a regular person. I don’t think that will ever change at this point. I’m usually optimistic about stuff, but that one, nah. It own’t prevent me from trying, of course, but I am not expecting a large change in that.

    I do have kind of a sense of taste, but to this day, over a dozen years later, I still have an issue with salt. Even small amounts of salt can seem to me to be overly salty. That’s a shame, because as any cook would say, salt is one of the world’s wonders. When I cook, I take care to under salt, and let whoever is eating the stuff put on however much they want.

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