Tag Archives: Cancer

Bees and beekeeping, Cancer, Gardening, Homestead

Winter

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Such as it is – or isn’t. We had a couple of days of lows in the 20s, but that’s what passes for winter here. Today, we maxed out at 88 in the sun in the front garden. Each year is getting hotter than the last, and still people deny that global warming is an actual event, occurring in their lifetimes.

Much of my winter will be spent redoing the frames around the farm, to get rid of the wood that takes a beating and then warps or otherwise falls apart with roofing metal that will probably outlive me. This week, I spent two days redoing the herb garden frames after spending three days viciously ill with some kind of crap. After two days, the frames themselves are completed, and now need to be finished off by topping them with a good soil mix, relaying the irrigation lines, and bringing in some fresh mulch to freshen what’s there and cover the now bare spots left by the rearrangement. Oh, and putting some seed in, because while we may get a couple of random days of freeze between now and spring, it looks like it’s going to be more springlike than winterlike for us moving forward.

We had one hive of bees abscond, but the other two are well, for now. I’ve ordered up two new packages for the spring (to be delivered in May), and will need to build a new set of brood boxes for the second package since we have the now empty brood boxes for the other package. I burned the frames from the vanished hive as a precautionary measure. After the flames were out and I was scraping up the ash and pins from the frames, I saw some bees flying around the pools of solidified beeswax.

For now, I’m ill with what seems to be a relapse of whatever I had earlier in the week. I’ve had the flu vaccine because my doctor always bugs me about it – I’m now in the “at risk” group thanks to (fuck!) cancer and the effects of radiation and chemo – but it surely feels like the flu. Maybe I’m in that 35% where it turns out it isn’t effective. Whatever it is, it needs to go, because there’s a lot of work to be done, seeds to start, and a season to prepare for, even if the season appears to already be here.

Cancer

The quest for an opening

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Of the mouth, that is. We visited with a new ENT who examined me for the first time, and I have to say that sometimes it’s nice to get some fresh eyes on things – someone who is not completely familiar with my long, oddball history with oral cancer and the aftereffects. He thinks the problem is the muscle at the mandible rather than fibrosis, but wants to look at my last CT to check it out. He also wants to use the flexscope on me (that’s the one they snake down your nose to look at the back of your mouth and throat when you can’t open your mouth), something he could not do Tuesday, but wants to do next Tuesday on our followup, by which time he will also have the CT report and the scan itself. He asked if, when I ate soup or other liquid-y foods, I had issues with leakage. I told him I had gotten pretty good at keeping it in most of the time. He asked me if I drooled, at which point I laughed, because yes, in fact, from time to time, I do. He pointed out that I have some paralysis on the left lower side of my mouth, which I’d not really noticed as such before – I’d chalked it up to the chunks of muscle and nerve they removed during the surgery, which in turn affected my ability to fully close my mouth. I was right, but not for the precise reason.

In any case, we go back next Tuesday to see him again at which time we’ll have some kind of idea on a possible path forward. Which is good, because not being able to open your mouth is a real pisser (and because I have another tooth that’s cracked half off and it needs to come out, which would be a lot simpler for all of us involved – particularly me – if I could open my mouth a bit wider than 12mm).

So again, for those of you stumbling across this site because you searched for oral cancer: make sure that even when you’re feeding through a tube that you’re opening your mouth throughout treatment. Trust me, you do not want to go through the things I’m going through.

Cancer, Life in general

Waiting

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“Or arm th’ obdured breast/With stubborn patience as with triple steel.” Milton, Paradise Lost

And why do I have to remind myself of patience? Because the ENT was not available today (surgery is my guess), and my appointment was rescheduled for Tuesday. Yesterday was a crappy day anyway, as I’d spent the late night Wednesday/into the morning today at the NOC building out a couple of servers, then moving someone’s accounts around and blah blah blah. It ended for a bit at 0630 this morning with a migraine and a try at a nap (nope) then more work and another try a bit later for a nap (nope). Too tired to sleep, apparently. But hey, those rebuilds are done and I’m back to the original puzzle that led to one of the rebuilds in the first place, so it’s like traveling in time!

But, the ENT: very disappointing, and yesterday the reschedule on top of everything else really dealt me low. Today seems to be better, and hopefully by later tonight I’ll be able to get some sleep. Oil change tomorrow. Yeeha! A semblance of something approaching a real life.

Cancer

Potential solutions

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One of the things I’ve talked about before was the lack of emphasis by all the medical folks on maintaining the opening of my mouth during treatment. They were (and are) all wonderful people, and I wish this part of things had been addressed before it got to this point. After nine months of eating through a tube, plus the radiation to the jaws, and the lack of general use, my oral opening went down to about 15mm. After seven years, it’s down to around 12mm, worsening despite efforts with the torture device for passive stretching. Part of the problem is that this came about long after the problems had solidified, with the fibrous threads and scar tissue really taking hold and conspiring to continually clench my jaws together.

We – and by we, I mean my mom – spent days on the phone, trying to find anyone who had experience in dealing with extreme cases like mine, or who could offer any help at all. Some of this is for obvious reasons: I need to be able to open my mouth, and if it continues like this, that won’t be possible at all. Some of it is psychological: with a vibrant imagination, I can envision situations where I’m unable to breathe and the EMTs/medical folks are unable to help because they can’t get my mouth open. From time to time, this actually induces a bit of a panic attack, which feeds the really nonexistent emergency, which in turn feeds the panic. Not a good cycle to be in at all.

After hitting dead ends and receiving promises of callbacks, I resigned myself to having to expend really serious time and energy hunting around the country. But, we got a call back from one of the ENT offices, saying they might be able to help. “Might” is better than “no”, so on Thursday, we will be heading over to see this doctor and determine if there’s anything they can do to get me back on track from an ending I can see all too well.

Cancer

Snip snip

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Last Friday, I had a tooth pulled. To be more precise, ANOTHER tooth pulled. It was the last tooth in my head that had, as yet, not had any work done on it. From the outside, it looked perfect: no cracks, no decay showing, and only a bit crooked in my mouth from the effects of other shifting teeth. A few days before Friday, I suddenly started having issues with that tooth: it hurt to just put pressure on it with a finger. When eating or drinking, anything hitting that tooth cause some white hot agony in my face. A visit to the dentist showed the tooth was finally joining the crowd and heading down the same path: a root canal, followed by a post and build. That is always now followed by a cracking or shearing of the tooth and/or the resin or both, which necessitates another rebuild, followed by a crown prep, and finally a crown. Since my opening is down to 10mm total, getting a brush in my mouth is an amazing achievement by itself; managing to get the brush around enough to do thorough brushing at the gumline is practically impossible (but I make the effort anyway). In the end, each tooth that has been crowned faces the same destiny: eventually decaying at the gumline and then under the crown to the rest of what was left of the tooth. Since by that point there simply isn’t enough tooth left to build on, I go get the thing pulled.

Now, imagine that you do not have dental insurance and that everything you’re paying for procedures on your teeth are being paid out of your own pocket. Imagine further that every single tooth follows this path, from root canal to crown, with one or more rebuilds in between those two processes. At the end of the day, each tooth could conceivably wind up with $800-$1000 of work sunk into it. For this tooth, I decided to skip to the inevitable end of the story, save myself the pain of going through each phase, and save myself about $700: out it came. The tooth pretty much shattered when the oral surgeon grabbed it to pull it out, which then required him repeatedly lifting the tooth and snipping off another piece, because my jawbone refused to give it up peacefully (which, I think, speaks volumes about the general healthiness of my jaws, given that osteonecrosis – bone death – is a very real concern for people who have had their heads/necks blasted with radiation). Then we got to the root, which would not come out at all. That, my friends, is what the drill is for: to drill away a piece of the bone to allow the extraction of the last piece of the root. And that, of course, then required stitches to sew together the flaps of the soft tissue to stop the bleeding. With some gauze shoved down into the socket, the bleeding slowed and then stopped completely within 45 minutes or so of extraction.

Stitches are annoying, especially in the mouth. If later today was not the day of their removal, it’s likely I would be cutting them out myself, much like dogs and cats will pull theirs out if given the chance.

Cancer, Gardening, Homestead

A new season

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I’m aiming for another 40′ of cuke seed into one of the frames I converted previously from wood to steel. We’ve been having rain every day for the past four or five days. Not a ton, but anywhere from a quarter to a half inch each day. In and of itself: good. As it relates to already soaked ground that can’t keep up with absorption: not good. As it relates to mosquitoes having lots and lots of babies that grow up into adult bloodsuckers: worse. Luckily, the last visit to Home Depot I picked up more mosquito dunks so I can go toss those into the standing water areas to try to cut down on the wild mosquito sex parties going on out there.

The flats in the barn are still growing strong, and I’m hoping to plant those out in the first week of September. That will hopefully give us just enough time before things start getting dicey to get another harvest out. If I’d thought more about it, I would have put in another flat of jalapenos, to have more of those on hand for new batches of salsa (current inventory: zero). Unfortunately, I didn’t, and by the time I got them germinated and transplanted, it would probably be too late. Still, I could give it a go – what’s the worst that could happen? No harvest. There’s been plenty of that around here even in the regular season, and it is life on the farm, so perhaps tomorrow I’ll line up another flat for that.  It’s also time to check the peanuts out back and see if they’re ready to come out and be cured a bit before going into the freezer for future boiling. I also need to get some carrot, onion, and leek seed in. Overwintered onions and leeks do well here given that we have so few heavy, long-lasting freezes that can cause heaving. We finally found a couple of Haas avocado trees, and they are doing quite well, and we fully intend to baby them in the winter, even though they are supposed to be frost hardy into the 20s – handcart into the garage even though the whiskey barrels we have them in weigh a ton will probably wind up being the plan. In a month or so, we’ll be digging sweet potatoes from the back garden area, including the new growth from those we missed last year, which started popping up again. They’re a bit like peanuts and jerusalem artichokes in that regard, and which we also have found popping up from previous plantings: if you don’t get them all, you’ll find you have them regrowing in a space where you might have planted something else the next season. That can be a little annoying, but it does teach you some lessons about what is really hardy and grows without too much complaint down here.

I’ve also been weeding like a crazy person, beyond my two bag quota per day. I pulled up a bunch yesterday and thought I might skip today since my hands were a bit creaky from the marathon. But, it has to be done, so I got off my ass and pulled five bags worth of weeds today to add to the collection that will cause the yard waste guys to curse us (again) on Friday, with more to come because the weeds never stop.

Only two days to get the stitches out of my face from the tooth extraction. It’s a good thing I can’t move my tongue or I’d be playing with the annoying things all day long like a kid with a loose tooth.

Cancer, Gardening, Homestead, Life in general

Progress

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Yesterday, I seeded cucumbers and green beans directly in the frames, so that’s crossed off the list. Next up: more cucumber seeding in one of the rows I’ve converted from wood frames to metal. That, however, has to come after I put all my irrigation driplines back in place down that row. This is key because it helps get the correct spacing, as the dripline has laser drilled holes every six inches, spacing that is fine for cukes. The only other thing I’d have to do for those is put the trellises back in place (and BEFORE the seedlings really get going, as trying to wind them into the netting once they’re six or so inches tall is a massive pain in the ass).

The tomato seedlings in the barn are doing well for the most part. One set was older seed, so the germination is not ideal, but I wanted to use up some of the seed I have lying around instead of tossing it into the compost pile. The broccoli and cauliflower likewise looks good, and if the forecast is to be believed, we should be dropping into the upper 80s for temps instead of the mid 90s – which for here means low 90s versus 100 or so as it’s consistently warmer here than the nearest official weather station.

Current tooth situation: the stitches are bugging the crap out of me right now, rubbing against the inside of my lower lip. It also still feels like someone whapped me with a hammer on the left side of my face. That will pass, and the pain meds make it possible to eat even when food does sometimes get jammed up against that socket and the stitches. The only weird thing I have going on right now is very low blood pressure – this morning is was reading 85 over 57, and that certainly did explain the dizziness when I stood up from some business work and a rushing sound in my ears. I was letting the dogs out and things turned black for a moment and I stumbled into the wall. This, too, shall pass, I’m sure. Or it better. Exercise lowers your blood pressure. Weeding and working in the gardens qualifies as exercise. Not a good combination if the BP is already low. We’ll see how that works out.

In a couple of months, I hope we have a real pickling operation going on at the ranch. If only there was an easier way to chop all the sweet pickles that I’ll be making. I tried the mini food processor I have, as it has a chop function (the other is grind), but it made the pieces more mushy than I would like, so it has to be done by hand chopping for now. Will have to work on this and find a solution.

And lastly: did a lot of research online this morning looking for alternative treatments for trismus and radiation-induced fibrosis that go beyond the passive stretching routine, and found a couple of interesting scholarly articles. Next step: trying to find the right person to talk to about the fibrosis and potential treatments for that, given that it appears to be a clear bunch of fibrous tissue in my cheek that may be causing a great deal of the problem in working on my opening.

Life. Luckily we’re here to enjoy and/or fight with it, right?

Cancer

This is a torture device

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Fun times!

How does it work? You put the mouthpiece in your mouth – or, like me wriggle it in there, since even the foam teeth guards make it wider than I can comfortably open. Gently squeeze the handle as shown above to force the mouth pieces apart, while trying to keep your jaws as relaxed as possible. Hold. Repeat again and again.  This passive stretching will, in theory, help to widen the oral opening when the device is used regularly. I have become quite aggressive in using it, since I haven’t been using it much at all before the last couple of weeks, and because at my last dentist visit, he measured my opening at 10mm (yes, millimeters). Get yourself a ruler or tape measure and measure that amount of opening on your own mouth and you can see how limited that is. Much too limited to be able to get fake teeth in, and that’s going to be very important for me down the road as I reach the tipping point on how many teeth have been pulled versus those remaining. I’d prefer to not have to go on a liquid diet. Boring! The only side effect of all of these intense stretching sessions is that it tends to set off spasms in the left side of my face and into my neck and it is very, very painful. Much as I hate to do it, chronic pain in the mouth is a serious downer and interferes with real life, so from time to time I have to have the antispasm and pain meds to deal with those. I figure it’s a small price to pay to perhaps eventually realize my ultimate goal of widening my opening.

And one more reminder to those of you who find this place based on searches related to oral cancer: even if you’re eating through a tube for nine months like I had to, make sure you keep doing exercises to maintain that oral opening. It will avoid complications down the road for you and make post-treatment life much more pleasant. I wish the medical staffs, as amazing as they were, would have emphasized this more. Or that there was a medical treatment they could use to help it, like slicing through the scar tissue and then just dealing with that recovery. There’s a medical procedure for almost everything. But not this. So keep going with widely opening your mouth  throughout treatment. If you’re getting radiation to the head and neck that makes you look like a survivor of Hiroshima, this is going to hurt. That’s what the pain meds are for: take them, do the exercises. You’ll be happier in the end that you did.

Bees and beekeeping, Cancer, Homestead, Sports

This day done

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Almost done. After starting off the day with the dispatching and burying of a chicken before morning coffee, I did some company work and watched Olympic coverage, managing to find quite a bit of fencing on, with some archery – including the men’s team event matches, way to go USA for the silver!) – and some handball and beach volleyball. I managed to find in the DVRd early morning hours the women’s 10m air rifle final, which mom judged to be quite boring. The primetime stuff on NBC tonight is tape delayed and already decided, so unless there is nothing else on, I won’t be watching much of it, as I’ve been following the #Olympics twitter feed and already know the results. I also managed to get out and refill all the gas cans around noon when all the soccer and basketball started, none of which interests me. The tricky part will be finding a time period in the coming days to do some mowing before we’re knee deep in grass again.

More jaw stretching shortly. Counting down to the point where it makes more sense to pull the rest of my teeth than to keep working on them, and there will be no dentures for me if I can’t open my mouth. I’ve given up enough foods over this crap, and I’d prefer not to have to be restricted to a completely liquid diet.

Cancer, Cats, dogs, chickens, and other critters

A scan a day keeps the doctor away

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Maybe not every day. That could get tedious very quickly. This morning, two CT scans, with contrast – the contrast courtesy of iodine they shoot through an IV into you, which rapidly spreads and makes you feel like you’re about to piss yourself. While that’s coursing through you, they slide you back into the CT for more pictures. Lucky me, I got toe do the contrast twice: once for the chest, and once for the head and neck. Fun stuff. Even more fun is that they didn’t put the IV into the crook of my arm, but slightly below it. I now have quite the knot there, it’s already started to bruise, and it hurts. A lot. The price of going through tests to make sure no growths are lurking about anyway, I suppose.

Today was spasm day, thanks to the combination of bouncing around on the tractor yesterday, and the raising of my arms above my head while lying on the table for the CT scans. As soon as I pulled my left arm up above my head, I could feel them starting, and they haven’t let up. That, as they say, is what the drugs are for, and I gave in and took some to calm this down so I could move. No workout today, alas.

My sister arrived from Illinois in a sneak attack visit with her dogs. She’ll be staying with my other sister, so there won’t be as much worry about Einstein and his distaste for other dogs invading my space, although I have to say he was better behaved this time, and didn’t actually attack either of the visiting dogs when my sister got to the house. Maybe he’s realized that those two dogs both outweigh him by a lot and that they’re much larger than he is. Or maybe he just didn’t fee as threatened by them this time. Whatever the reason, things were just fine. I made lime and cilantro chicken for dinner, and we had fresh corn on the cob and squash baked with parm-reg. Not a bad little summer meal. Next up: seafood feast, since my sister now lives in the middle of nowhere and doesn’t get seafood as much as she would like up there.

Random note to the people who made the ourtime.com commercials that appear from time to time on my tv while I’m watching rugby or shows about stupid people (“World’s Dumbest…”): if you’re going to have people giving testimonials about meeting people through your service, it would be best if they didn’t sound like they were standing and talking in a gigantic cavern. The sound on those needs a ton of work.