The game should be good. The ads, of course, get almost as much attention as the game. And of course, I will have to comment on them, as that’s what I do! This will be updated as the ads roll.
By the way: ugh, Phil Seeeeeems. It was only 20 seconds for the first of his verbal tics. And it was the first comment he had made.
Michelob Ultra – an ad that looked like it should be Gatorade. C
SoFi – are you great? A lot of people in that ad weren’t! B
NFL – Super Bowl babies. Is there really a boom in babies? I guess maybe for fans of the winning team. NR
Hyundai – the bear chase ad is not new to the Super Bowl rotation. NR
Snickers – nothing says hilarity like Willem Dafoe as Marilyn Monroe on the steam grate. A+
Doritos – the baby in the ultrasound chasing after Doritos was pretty funny, especially when the mom smacked the Dorito out of the dad’s hand and across the room. A
Apartments.com – Jeff Goldblum sings “Movin’ On Up” and meets George (Washington) and Wheezy (Lil’ Wayne). B
Avocados from Mexico – “And this is Scott Baio.” Since I am eating guacamole onion rings (or trying to), this made me laugh. “Would anyone like to feed Scott Baio? It’s included in the ticket? No?” LOL. A+
The Jungle Book – live action remake from Disney. NR
Audi – outstanding, probably because I’m such a space nerd, and with David Bowie’s “Starman” in the background? Stellar. Ha. A+
Mountain Dew – Puppymonkeybaby. Weird, and will be remembered for that. C
Sqaurespace – more football commentary from a funny duo, but doesn’t really connect with what they sell. D
ShockTop – Hipster jokes. B
Buick – Bridesmaid stretching out to Odell the catch of the bouquet. Odell says she was out of bounds. A
Advil – what aches? People doing all sorts of things, some of which shouldn’t even be possible. A
Jason Bourne – New Bourne movie with Matt Damon looking hella buff. From Universal. NR
Dollar Shave Club – dirtbag razors. These are always funny. A
Acura – Um, ok. C
Quicken Rocket Loans – Get a loan via your phone, boosting the economy for hand-lathed wooden legs. B
Comment: when defensive players almost take someone’s head off with a facemask like Talib did, they shouldn’t be allowed back in the game.
Bud Light – It’s a party! Quoting Independence Day. “I feel so inspired.” B
Skittles – Steven Tyler. Dream on! A
CBS ads for its various shows. NR
Ron Rivera is correct: the refs should be catching this stuff.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – from Michael Bay. It surely won’t be overdone with explosions and car crashes, etc. No way. What actors think this is good for their career? NR
T-mobile – “Verizon got it wrong, not me!” It wasn’t that funny the first time around. C
Hyundai – When you’re distracted by Ryan Reynolds, the car will stop you from running him over. Backdrop music “What a Man”. A
Luke Kuechly is a beast of a linebacker.
Special teams mistakes can really kill you.
OIC – Poor guy. But funny ad, and true. A
Persil – Snooze. C
Ad for The Good Wife, which I don’t watch. NR
Turnover by the Panthers. Are they trying to make it even more difficult for themselves? Prop bets were odds on for Panthers to score the first TD of the game (Broncos did, on a Panthers fumble) and go into halftime +3. Doesn’t look promising on that.
Coke – The Incredible Hulk drinks with his pinky up. Who knew? A
WeatherTek – Made in the USA. B
NFL – Super Bowl babies again. NR
Gigantic Panthers defender intercepts Manning with one hand – he Odell’d it! Who knew ads could be so prescient?
Independence Day redux – Randy Quaid won’t be around for this one, naturally, but Jeff Goldblum is back. NR
Prius – “How hard is it to catch a Prius?” Haha. Sweet driving by the stunt drivers. And sneaking through sleeping cops. A
Terrific catch by Funches.
CBS – We’ve been here forever. NR
CBS – Our late night shows. One of our dramas in a hospital, with a bunch of impossibly sexy doctors and nurses. Every one of them.
Jimmy Johns – I hate the fucking yelling they do, and I don’t care how fast you are. C
Venus Swimwear – sexy models in swimsuits. They’re actually based here in Jax. NR
Halftime report as they get set up for the halftime show. Now to make coffee and a shake.
CBS – more of their shows.
Terrific halftime show. No complaints about Coldplay, Bruno Mars, or Beyonce, and a very nice tribute to past acts (plus RIPs to those no longer here to share their talents with the world).
Ad for Beyonce’s new tour.
Amazon echo – Missy Elliot gets the last laugh on Alec Baldwin and Dan Marino, A
Jeep – We’ve been everywhere. A
Domestic violence awareness – Yes. There is a confidential 24/7 hotline for victims of domestic violence. A+
CBS, CBS, CBS – watch our shows.
Krystal – fine for post-drinking and hangovers. B
Thrivent – no inappropriate casual Friday attired robots here! A
WalMart – Blegh. I won’t rate them because I hate them.
Krystal again – shrimp po’ boys. But those were crab pots on that fishing vessel. B
Doritoes – dogs like Doritos! A
Mini Cooper – Defy labels, indeed. A
TurboTax – Sir Anthony Hopkins is not selling out! It’s free! A
Pokemon – I can do that. Yes, you can. A
IBS ad by Xifaxan – a walking intestine is creepy. And I don’t like drug ads. C
LG – Liam Neeson is a badass, and it doesn’t matter what he’s selling. B
X-Men Apocalypse – They will save the world. NR
Death Wish Coffee/Intuit – nothing wrong with strong coffee! A
Butterfinger – Bolder than bold! And don’t mind Mom saying you’ll ruin your appetite for dinner. A
Showtime ads for their shows and online on demand.
Holy crap what a catch.
Fitbit – nice transition between every day travels/duties and exercising. B
Wix – using Kung Fu Panda, echoing other classic ads. Meh. C
Heinz – weinerdogs! A
Honda – Sheep singing Queen. Awesome! A+
Budweiser – American beer (but company actually owned by a foreign entity). C
NFL – Super Bowl kids with Seal, with actual Super Bowl babies singing, too. A
Lexus – You could get used to a hefty car payment. B
xfinity – who I would get service from if they had service out here in the boonies because HughesNet sucks. B
Zaxby’s – not a new ad. NR
My current MVP candidates for this game: McManus, Miller, Kuechly.
Jeep – Fun 4×4 ad. A
Schick – razors duking it out in the bathroom. B
Axe – good ad, but I hate the smell of that stuff. B
Missed pass interference call by the refs.
Jublia – toenail fungus. I guess the target audience suffers from OIC, IBS, and now toenail fungus? But Phil Seeeeems was in it, so that’s perfect. B
Kia – Christopher Walken is terrific. But no cowbell. A
“Pressure” as things head to the ad break. Cool.
T-Mobile – funny, but when I had their service, it sucked, so even Drake can’t fix that. B
No team has ever won a Super Bowl without an offensive touchdown. Will this be the one?
Budweiser: AWESOME DAME HELEN MIRREN AD. Don’t be a pillock. Don’t drive drunk, assholes. A+
Remember when I said HughesNet sucks? They took this opportunity to go out. Total downtime: seven minutes. Asshats.
Cam Newton didn’t bother to go for that ball he fumbled. WTF is up with that?
The Secret Life of Pets – OK, legitimately funny movie ad. NR
Colgate – save the water. B
SunTrust – we will make you happy and help you breathe. No idea what their product actually is. C
I’m perfectly OK with the Broncos winning this Super Bowl, especially if Manning retires before he gets himself killed on the field.
My vote for MVP: Von Miller.
Blah blah blah, postgame interviews. No, Manning is not going to say if he is retiring right after the game. Duh. But apparently he is going to give a shout out to Budweiser (bleh). No Disney World trips this year.
Esurance – first ad post-game, but didn’t see a single one during the game.
Super Bowl MVP: Von Miller. Terrific game.
And that is a wrap for Super Bowl 50. Hope y’all had as much fun as I did!