As regular readers know, I’ve been avoiding using my feding tube, preferring instead to munch away by mouth and start eating real food again. Tonight, though, defeat: I had to pour some formula down the tube, along with a crushed up pain pill.

When I went to speech therapy this week, the pathologist pointed out that it takes me so long to eat and I use so much energy that the calories I’m eating are pretty much being chewed away. Since my meals are not very large, and thus not many calories to begin with, it’s a battle.

And the battle is not currently going in my favor. Today when I stepped on the trusty scale, it hovered between 110 and 111. This bothered me a little, as I’ve been making a great effort to eat more often and eat more calories. Obviously, though, I have so much going on that it isn’t working the way I’d planned.

So, a cup of formula entered my life again, after about a month of none. Depressing.

Also deepening my mood a bit is this piece of crap server that gave me fits today as I attempted to get the one and final account moved from it. It put me behind in my prep work, as I had to make a couple of trips to the NOC, so no smoking of the ribs today.

What I did get done, today, though:

Updated the application we use for support with no trouble at all, and finally went to bed at 5 AM, getting back up at 9.

Went to Home Depot, got a replacement handle for the sliding glass door, some chairs, charcoal, hickory, some plants, potting soil, and pots. Then not one but two trips to Publix for miscellaneous supplies, including the things my mom and sister needed for items they suddenly wanted to add to the menu.

I got the membranes removed from the ribs and got them rubbed. Three slabs of a spicy rub, three of a milder rub. I also made two batches of brownies with nuts, one without, the barbeque sauce, and made dinner for my sister, mom, and my brother, who is up from Orlando for the weekend.

But what this all boils down to is that Sunday morning is going to be quite active. I’ll need to start smoking fairly early in order to have them ready for the 2 PM Bash – four hours of smoke, at least, and I don’t think all these ribs are going to fit even on my large smoker all at once. I figure I’ll start four of them early, then have the great smoky smell teasing people as they arrive. Also on tap for Sunday is all the other prep that didn’t get done: the guacamole, the salsa, the remoulade, the fruit. I’m debating on the cookies, because I just don’t think I’ll have the time or energy for them. And of course, there’s the actual cooking of the hushpuppies, burgers, dogs, shrimp (boiled and grilled), and grouper (grilled and fried).

Here I sit, debating on whether or not to eat. I’m not terribly hungry – in fact, I’m not hungry at all – and this makes it difficult to get motivated for food. But I know what the people around me would say (Eat!) so I suppose I need to do that and then grab a nap so I can begin the new day slightly refreshed at least.

5 thoughts on “Defeated”

  1. Don’t think of it as defeat, just a temporary set back. I am sure that once this week is over the tables will turn in your favor!

  2. have you tried those drinks like boost? i’ve heard they help. also – i don’t know how you can pull something like this party off – i barely have energy for ten people coming over, let alone 40!

  3. I drank Boost when recovering from surgery. The problem with those types of drinks is that the primary ingredient is oil – that’s how they pack the calories in. Put enough oil in me, or anyone else, and you can guess what this does to the digestive system. I’ll be sticking with the formula I’m using for now, but I can’t really drink that. It smells vile, and I’d never be able to force myself to drink it. So, down the tube it goes.


  5. Carol, there are a variety of supplements available. The one I’ve been using since this all began is called MedPass. It’s made by Hormel (yep, the same people who make Spam). Smells gross, but like you, I have a tube, so I just dump a cup down, chase it with water, and move on. A single cup of MedPass has 480 calories, and it’s not just the oily stuff that’s found in many of the items from the supermarket. I was amazed that something so calorically dense (and nutritious) could be had in a liquid form without having to drink gallons of the stuff. A case runs about $60 or so – I know you can get it through, or if you have a local wholesaler in your area, you can usually get it more cheaply (my sister works for a seafood distributor, and they, for whatever reason, have MedPass, so I get it at whatever she would pay). If dysphagia (trouble swallowing) is an issue, Hormel also makes a product called Thick & Easy, since for some people the thicker consistency makes it easier to swallow.

    Best of luck to you. Sorry you’re having to go under the knife (or laser) again.

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